me and kayla decided that we were gonna go to good will this weekend or soon and get cool random stuff.. because were weird like that o well.thats all i have to say..

You came to me like a dream -the kind that always leaves. Just as the best part starts, it ends so abruptly and leaves you stunned and naked in your bedroom all alone. Kind of funny how something so soothing gets interrupted by the ring of a telephone. One thing that I never said: I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head. A lonely liver suspended in liquid. It's one thing that I never did was swallow. Missing a case, lacking a lid, my heart bleeds for what you never did. 

A journal is where you write about your deepest thoughts, feelings that are coming from your heart, moments you dont ever want to forget. Its a place where no one can reach out to you. Where they dont understand. And when you begin to write about how you feel, and then read the words back to yourself. It really makes you think about who you are. It doesnt matter what you write about. It could be the most upsetting journal entry you have ever wrote, or an entry that is marked with a tear drop on every word. It may destroy you, it may decide to make you sad. And on special days you could feel loved. Or even happy. You could feel like youre the luckiest girl alive or feel like there is nothing that could stop you. But in other moments you could be mad, and get angry at everyone close to you. Push people away and feel like the only thing that is important is what you have to say. You might wish many things, and some may never come true. And in the end.. Youve found a better you!

<3333333
Renee

ToDaY was actually kinda fun all we did was watch pirates of the carrabean or how ever you spell that C word and we had History Day which was really retarded but im glad its over whew... but i also found my agenda the other day too..it was hiding from me..
but it didnt do too good of a job because i found it but ne ways
me and jasmine snuck out of science today the door was half way open so we dropped on the floor and started crawling out and then we ran..it was fun at the time but there was no where to go so we just went back to class she didnt even care that much so its okay.. but im starting to get really annoyed with a lot of people lately but ill be okay just leave me alone ya know? okay but tonight im doing the usual friday i have no life thing...goin to the movies blahh oh well at least i get to be with my friends...

bi-bi
<3Renee



when all at once i wake up
from something that keeps knocking at my brain
before i go insane
i hold my pillow to my head
and spring up in my bed
screaming out the words i dread
I think I love you

ugh ugh ugh.
im sooo very mad at myself right now because im like retarded i lost my freaken agenda which had all of my history day stuff in it yeah im really unorganized.. its kinda sad so i had to type up the process paper again and i dont know what im gonna do about the annotated bibliography i think it might be saved on one of the computers at school tomorrow it took me FOREVER to retype all that junk and now i gotta do it again blah i knew this history day thing was a bad idea i seriously despise it uh.. owell i think it might be at page i have no idea...ahh and i also broke my pretty lamp it doesnt work ne more now :( ugh bad me

jester1to10: so how are the kids
precious92741: what kids
jester1to10: uh oh
jester1to10: you lost the kids
jester1to10: oh well we can always grow some new ones

okay yeah that was funny!


SO...the elephant says to the camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?" the camel replies "that's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on their face"

<3 Renee







 

 

okay so we got out early today and now im really bored...and i dont know what to do i guess gettin out early wasnt so great after all i hate leavin school early once u already started your day off by gettin ready ha but ne ways...our guys lost lastnight against page haha that sucks but umm... allys mad at me and i have no clue why but ugh this is really gay i hate heritage its the gayest school ever and it should die...yeah i have nothing else to say so bye!

<333
Renee

go crazy for the one that says your beautiful

lets start out by starting over...

[  i want a boy ]
Sing with out a reason to never fall in love
[  who whispers soft  ]
To never fall in love again
[ and kisses harddd ]

ew sundays suck!! me and jae are friends again i guess we were just mad at eachother i have no idea its all pretty confusing but ne ways i want starbucks....really bad and im bored so im gonna put a poem in here b/c i have nothing to write about .....

I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confined in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me.



<3333 me.

Okay..... lastnight i couldnt make up my mind on what i wanted to do.. so i went home with porschea then we were gonna go to the chs vs. fhs game but then when decided we wanted to go to the movies.... so we were gettin ready and i started feeling ugh i dunno weird i guess and decided i didnt wanna go to the movies anymore i felt really really bad about tellin porschea that. but i dont know i knew i would regret goin to the movies anyways? but idk it was all really weird so i came home and kelsey got on the internet and asked me if i was goin to the movies and i was like i dunno so me and kelsey were gonna go to the movies but we just decided to stay at her house and watch movies so we watched "Road Trip" and ate gummy worms! and then at like 9 we went to star bucks. yummy..it was actually pretty fun until jae started bitchin at me and makin me feel worthless which isnt unusual b/c he likes to make me feel like crap a lot thank you jae... o well i cared at the moment but im used to fighting with him anymore its kinda a daily thing, i dont hate him though. i hope he doesnt hate me either

feb 10th i get my hair done im gettin really dark brown low lights...

valentines day is comin up :* (its suppose to be a smootchy face)

Read this

<3 madly
Renee

well isn't that grand?
lovely as you are, stupid as i am.
can't even keep a promise.

Okay i took a little survery thing and its kinda cool so check it out.... and i dont really feel like writing about me day either b/c nothin happened once again cept for maria poured coke in my eye ball. but yeah tomorrows sadie hawkins day so im just gonna dress up like a fag with kayla

The last thing that made me feel cared about was: talken to ppl who care about me.

The last time I was scared: um Monday when me jamie and maria watched the ring for like the 10^th million time but thats ok.

The last time I cried was: lord knows?

I will be remembered as: the annoying girl that is too outspoken sometimes

Someday i will be: in control of your dumbasses

I crave: to be loved

I like: affection

I know: a lot that you dont know about me

I want: to be friends with some that ive lost

I fear: rejection

I understand: nothing

I hate: couples and boys..

Hate is: everywhere

I love: writing in this

Love is: not enough sometimes

I live for: shopping

I sing: in the car

I try: to stand out

I forget: names

I wonder: everything

I see: relationships end

I can: fly

I can’t: stop

I miss: a lot of people

I feel: unimportant

I believe: in myself

When I am sad I: listen to music

When I am happy I: am hyper

Freedom is: in america

Suicide: is an option

Drugs: are in the health book

Alcohol: is made from grapes

Sex: is kaylas pleasure..hah

Music: is a universal language

Life: ends eventually.

I am who I am because: nature & nurture

One of my dreams is: uhh i forget

I find it hard to: understand idiots

This survey was: stolen but borrowed?

The best way to know me is: to talk to me. or read my journal if your shy

I am: beautiful HAHA

i dont really know what im doing so w/e?...nothin special happened AT ALL today which kinda sucked b/c my lifes boring hah... but thats okay even tho mr bult tried to tell me im not doin anything for my project thing which i am. and even if i wasnt o well its really gay and i shouldnt be doin it anyways. whew bad attitude
but ne ways
-i really miss mikala...ever since she went to page i think im over reacting...but i dont get to hang out with her anymore as much as i used too.. and i hate tommy now.... he never deserved to go out with mikala in the first place b/c she is way to good for him. im being really mean about the whole tommy thing b/c what he did was wrong but.... whoa.

my love life sucks right now but thats okay b/c everyone else has boyfriends or thier lil lovers! but i dont..o well. i dont even think i like anyone right now anyways hahaha so im not gonna sweat it
 
kayla was supposed to call me and tell me a whole buncha stuff that she needed to tell me but she still hasnt -hmm i wonder what kinda drama is goin on with her..? o well shell call me later.. but i think im gonna go to the tannin bed in a lil bit and for all yall who hate tannin beds ur missing out. b/c they make me and kendall tan hah i dont even know what i just said.. oh gosh i crack myself up lmfao

this friday i think im goin to rocket town w/ ally so YOU should go. but ill probably end up not going... ahhh... we'll see.. but thats only if we dont get a ride home so you can take us home if you want. (hint hint)

oh yeah i named my thing "blah" or w/e b/c i dont know what else to name it haha and i say blah alot when im frustrated or just being gay haha